Acknowledging a fallen foe + my little road trip

This has been an important week for me...Finally, after everything he had endured and survived through, a single bullet was able to sever his stubborn connection to this mortal coil.

Ladies and gentlemen, June "Konaa" Reynolds is dead. 

I suppose you now expect gloating?  Maniacal laughter, perhaps.  As I sit back on my velvet throne and stroke the hair of a small precariously groomed household pet I let out a tirade of sadistic glee at the prospect of my cursed archnemesis's demise.  A rant about how now, no one can stop me, and that in the end, all his relentless idealism served him for naught!

You would suppose wrong.  He won our duel.

What I have always, truly wanted, is to show him how his faith in humanity is absolute nonsense.  Taking a life was a line he swore time and time again never to cross, and thus for my victory to be complete, cross it he would.  By shooting his own sister, even.

But no...June Reynolds was, I suppose, incorruptible.  Even when his own life was on the line, he refused to pull the trigger...Thus it fell to me to do so.  In the end, it was his victory, for he proved me wrong.  Perhaps there was one human being alive who could not be persuaded to take the easy route, who truly did live for his fellow man and nothing else.

...WAS being the chief word there, seeing as he's DEAD!  And his sister went down with him anyway.  Oh yes...We've lost precious Valkyrie.  My second in command's death is a nuisance, but, with her brother dead about half of her function would be gone anyway.  Don't even get me started on Jade's moaning about the death of her "Knight."  I had to carve her a new tattoo to shut her up!  Except even that didn't work cause she started screaming in pain!  ...Maybe I should've asked first...Nahhhhhh!

In short, blah blah blah, salute my fallen enemy, died pure, hope a coyote pisses on his corpse.  NEXT!

So as we all know, I was missing for quite the extended period of time while my team remained behind to handle things in my stead.  I was out of the country, simply enough.  And I tell you, the jungle is no place for a suit.  The humidity was killing me.  Well, I stabbed someone to make myself feel better, though, so really, it was killing THEM.

You don't get the country's name out of me, darlings.  All you should know is this- my reason for the trip was investigating into the very nature of our Slenderfriend.  So many conflicting stories!  Drawings on the wall in Egypt!  A malicious fey from medieval Germany!  A crappy photoshop!  He really is a modern Bigfoot, that Tall Man of ours.

To add one to the mix, it looks like he's made a few appearances in the Southeast Asia region.  As far as I can determine, minimal amounts of recent ones.  I'm talking ancient times here, people.  I found ruins in Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, and even Northeast India with objects practically radiating with His essence.  Wall carvings, journal entries...there was a lot of evidence.  It was just hidden from the casual seeker.

I don't do casual.

And within a temple in the jungle...I discovered something.  An artifact, you could say, left behind by what someone could call the predecessor to the modern proxy.  Only far more versed in harnessing the power of that Glorious Man.  My Territories, Writer's Loops, Fitzgerald's...heheh, pick and choose.  It's all very impressive, but the fact of the matter is that in ancient times there were a small number of people who held genuine power thanks to Him.  Really, quite fascinating, wouldn't you say?  And I have in my possession a little something one of them left behind.

All in all, my field trip yielded a tremendous gain.  I hope to show you all juuuust how wonderful my new toy is.

Return, and introductions

Dear me, look at the clock!  Well over a month has passed since my last post.  And of course, naturally there's NOTHING more important than keeping what is essentially a public diary up to date...Well, let's go over the events in order, shall we?

Firstly, though I am quite late here, Konaa paid me a little visit.  Sadly, I must say he is quite the poor houseguest.  That was quite the painful injury to recover from, but I have my ways, you see.

Only a few days later I ran into him and we had tea.   The Tall Master sought to end it early, however, and who am I to refuse?  

Next, I assisted the Tall One in capturing his little bird.

And as you likely know, his lady friend had to bail him out of the Hallowing. Though he proved quite resistant...

To catch up to recent events, Konaa has met my team.  I must say, they are an extraordinary group of youngsters, aren't they.  Allow me to formally introduce them!  Come on, don't be shy!  No no, use a different font each, be stylish about it!

Obstruction.

Eloquent fellow, isn't he?  I named him that because, well, that's what he is. Between you and me, naming him Creative or Sensitive would've been nicer but quite dishonest.

Boss, what?  I already introwha ARGH okay.  SHIFT.  I hack shit and I can phase through walls.  Long story.  It fuckin' hurts.  Am I done?  Good.

Jade doesn't seem to be responding to my calls...Aah, teenagers.  They're all alike, moody to a fault.  We'll just go with my second in command, the woman who can handle these loose cannons while i'm away.  Valkyrie, m'deaaar?

What idiocy.  A "blog" is not even a proper word.  I am Valkyrie.  And if you encounter me, fear not.  I have made it my mission to show all I can the beauty of death, and I will exclude no one from this enlightening process.

And that, my friends, is Team Rhodes.  Obstruction's the muscle, Jade's the enforcer, Shift's the technical side, and the mysterious "Valkyrie" takes the role of my lieutenant.  I, myself, merely serve as the humble operations planner, and salary manager.  What was that, Shift?  Grumbling about how I don't pay you?  NONSENSE.  You're all still alive and relatively unhurt, yes?

That should wrap things up.  "But wait!" You cry, from your place on the ground, clinging to my leg.  "Where have you been for the last few weeks!  And please kill me painlessly!"

Well I'm in a considerably good mood, so I'll grant both your wishes!  (electrocution is painless, correct?)  ...Well, on second thought...The story of my absence is simply too good to share in one post.  Allow me to simply say for now that I was abroad...and more shall be revealed next time. 

Fucking hell.

Who the fuck said you could just come in here and tear everything to pieces, you crazy asshole? The Boss is dead, Obstruction's arm is fucked up, and most importantly, I have a couple of bruises and our hideout is wrecked! What the fuck are we supposed to do now?

Don't even get me started on the other members of the team. Big ole Obbie wasn't much of a talker before his injury but now he's making the countryside seem downright full of chatter. Jade creeps the fuck out of me, and so do those other two girls. What is it with the boss and his love of disturbing women?

So clearly it's up to me to decide what we do. And what we're doing is finding that little shit what put us out of a job and splitting his face open.

fuckfuckfuckheshere

a bulldozer

HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET A FUCKING BULLDOZER

Introducing- Shift!

It's been so busy here lately, preparing for Mr. Reynolds' arrival and such. Dear me. At any rate, I'd like to introduce one of the little helpers I have around the house.

Oh, yes, I know, it doesn't seem like me to work with others, but the fact of the matter is minions are very useful. They take out the trash, wash the windows, kill anyone you don't want to bother with, they're simply quite the convenience. Without further ado, my right hand man, Shift!

Okay so the boss just handed me this keyboard and said I'd be updating the blog whenever he couldn't. I tried to object but then he gave me the "I would enjoy killing you" look so here I am. Great. Okay, the name is Shift. I'm a hacker by trade, and allow me to say fuck all of you. Nobody gives a shit about your melodrama, they'd rather you all just dropped off the face of the planet so your stupid fight doesn't have a chance of affecting them anymore. You're all a bunch of morons and assholes.

Great the boss is lecturing me about internet protocol. What the hell, boss, you send people to the crazy ward for fun. Ow, okay, he poked me with a knife for that one. Geez. Anyways, what I do is confidential. As is everything about me. I am not in the mood to talk to any of you jerks. Am I done yet?

Charming young man, isn't it? Like he said, he'll be updating the blog whenever I can't, so you can expect more from Team Rhodes with every waking moment! I expect a parade in my honor or fifty innocents will die.

Haha, just kidding.

You hope.

In other news!

It would appear that your beloved Schrödinger is dead.  Simply tragic.  Loss of life, particularly life so young, must always be mourned.  Especially when they likely died weeping and begging for mercy, for a swift death that would never come.  For rescue from the people they thought would save them but in actuality just failed somewhat pathetically to do anything at all.


Oh well!


Luke.  Oh, Luke, Luke, Luke.  We all knew you were a failure who never accomplished anything, but this is an all time low, even for you.  I mean, Elaine?  Of all people?  She already has a boyfriend, Luke.  And he's sort of a dimensional warping courier with a fucked up body.  Bit hard to compete with that.  Well, trash is trash, I guess.  Through and through.  Do us a favor and die in a corner somewhere where I don't have to clean it up.  That's about all you can accomplish at this point.

Last, but certainly not least,  I payed Nessa a little visit.  The poor dear and I had a nice long chat about the world, and the truth behind it.  I'm afraid...She did not react too well.  What happened to her?  Ha ha...that would be telling.  Much more exciting this way, wouldn't you say?

So much has been goin' my way lately!  And soon, I'll be ready to show you all something...Something I've been meaning to enact for a LONG time.  All the pieces are finally in place.  Now, come on, then, June.  Find me.  Kill me if you can.  Take the girl if she lives.  Take her from me!  Come on!  I'm WAITING ON YA, BUDDY!

Show me that determination!  That fiery, heroic spirit! Let me TEAR IT AWAY FROM YOU, INCH BY INCH!  Until you're just another broken, sad, WORTHLESS PILE OF FLESH!  HAHAHA!

Dear me, she's slipped away again

Upon tracking my quarry to New Orleans, I was faced with quite the dilemma- how to find one person who was trying very hard to hide in this enormous, sprawling heap of metal and flesh?  Well, be sure not to underestimate me, my friends- I can be quite persistent!  A couple days of inquiries and I had an address.


I tell you, this young lady is one of the hardest Runners I've ever hunted - and the irony is that she isn't even running from that dashing gentleman in black and white, but from a dashing gentleman in black and red.  Me, if you didn't know.  I'm unsure if she even knows the Tall One exists.


Upon entering the dim, abandoned building, presumably a residence of some sorts, I found my mark.  And a beautiful mark it is, long brown hair, glittering hazel eyes, nice ass, too.  Hehe.


I asked her to come with me, and she refused.  The absolute cheek of it!  I simply could not abide such rude manners and gave her a slice on the cheek to remember me by.  She cursed and spat at me.


And that was when I decided it was time to stop fuckin' around.


"Listen up, bitch.  I dunno what you think you're gonna do to get away, but even if you escape me in person, I'm always in your head.  Yeah, that's right, you know what I'm talking about.  You're just like me- you'll push anyone under the bus to make sure you come out a-ok.  Which is smart!  Good instinct.  And you've even learned to enjoy it, which is a big step!  I'm proud, for real.  But y'know, if there's one thing I can't deal with it's a liar.  Hate liars.  Fucking assholes piss me the hell off.  What gets me all fired up is how you're just like me and you don't even admit it!  You don't embrace it!  It ain't just a lie, it's a crying shame!  Wasted potential."


Ohhhh, she knew what I meant.  That look on her face...Man, I love being me.


"Aww, I think I know what it is!  You're afraid baby brother'll find out~ He'll look at his precious big sister and see a crazy bitch soaked in blood.  Can you picture that look?  HAHA!  I see you can!  Fear, confusion, sorrow...And disappointment.  Anger.  Betrayal.  Oh, it just EATS YOU UP, doesn't it?  Hahahahaha!"


Little liar screams at me to shut up.  Like fuck.


"That's why you can't stand to see my beautiful face!  Cause you look at me and see your own gorgeous face looking back.  With the eyes of a killer.  Run run run.  It won't go away.  Crawling, twitching, squirming thoughts, thoughts of the truth.  That truth no amount of time can bury.  That you and me, darling?  Are the same.  We both live for two things- ourselves, and watching other people SUFFER.  It's all we have left.  A match made in heaven, wouldn't you say?"


Screaming, clawing, I let her run away.  I certainly wasn't gonna get my suit wet with her wussy weeping, and she's already sloppier than ever at hiding her trail.  Won't be long now.  Not at all.