Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Acknowledging a fallen foe + my little road trip

This has been an important week for me...Finally, after everything he had endured and survived through, a single bullet was able to sever his stubborn connection to this mortal coil.

Ladies and gentlemen, June "Konaa" Reynolds is dead. 

I suppose you now expect gloating?  Maniacal laughter, perhaps.  As I sit back on my velvet throne and stroke the hair of a small precariously groomed household pet I let out a tirade of sadistic glee at the prospect of my cursed archnemesis's demise.  A rant about how now, no one can stop me, and that in the end, all his relentless idealism served him for naught!

You would suppose wrong.  He won our duel.

What I have always, truly wanted, is to show him how his faith in humanity is absolute nonsense.  Taking a life was a line he swore time and time again never to cross, and thus for my victory to be complete, cross it he would.  By shooting his own sister, even.

But no...June Reynolds was, I suppose, incorruptible.  Even when his own life was on the line, he refused to pull the trigger...Thus it fell to me to do so.  In the end, it was his victory, for he proved me wrong.  Perhaps there was one human being alive who could not be persuaded to take the easy route, who truly did live for his fellow man and nothing else.

...WAS being the chief word there, seeing as he's DEAD!  And his sister went down with him anyway.  Oh yes...We've lost precious Valkyrie.  My second in command's death is a nuisance, but, with her brother dead about half of her function would be gone anyway.  Don't even get me started on Jade's moaning about the death of her "Knight."  I had to carve her a new tattoo to shut her up!  Except even that didn't work cause she started screaming in pain!  ...Maybe I should've asked first...Nahhhhhh!

In short, blah blah blah, salute my fallen enemy, died pure, hope a coyote pisses on his corpse.  NEXT!

So as we all know, I was missing for quite the extended period of time while my team remained behind to handle things in my stead.  I was out of the country, simply enough.  And I tell you, the jungle is no place for a suit.  The humidity was killing me.  Well, I stabbed someone to make myself feel better, though, so really, it was killing THEM.

You don't get the country's name out of me, darlings.  All you should know is this- my reason for the trip was investigating into the very nature of our Slenderfriend.  So many conflicting stories!  Drawings on the wall in Egypt!  A malicious fey from medieval Germany!  A crappy photoshop!  He really is a modern Bigfoot, that Tall Man of ours.

To add one to the mix, it looks like he's made a few appearances in the Southeast Asia region.  As far as I can determine, minimal amounts of recent ones.  I'm talking ancient times here, people.  I found ruins in Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, and even Northeast India with objects practically radiating with His essence.  Wall carvings, journal entries...there was a lot of evidence.  It was just hidden from the casual seeker.

I don't do casual.

And within a temple in the jungle...I discovered something.  An artifact, you could say, left behind by what someone could call the predecessor to the modern proxy.  Only far more versed in harnessing the power of that Glorious Man.  My Territories, Writer's Loops, Fitzgerald's...heheh, pick and choose.  It's all very impressive, but the fact of the matter is that in ancient times there were a small number of people who held genuine power thanks to Him.  Really, quite fascinating, wouldn't you say?  And I have in my possession a little something one of them left behind.

All in all, my field trip yielded a tremendous gain.  I hope to show you all juuuust how wonderful my new toy is.


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  2. Oh, I see. I see. This is indeed interesting...

    Our dearest Rhodes needs assistance to keep up with the rest of the class. Such a sad time for you, I'm sure. But it's okay, brother. We love you anyway.

    Ridley seems to agree.

  3. The two of you may yet rise above complete irrelevance one day and prove most useful to me. Do keep at it.

  4. I'm very curious to know whether you cracked the code motherfucker.


    +?KK=V7 JG88JC @3= J3:C7 7F3682G2V @6C?B

    Keep it frosty, douchegodzilla.

  5. I really want to like you, Rhodes. Honestly, I do. To run around, giving no fucks, not answering to anyone is a dream of mine. It's one I often think of as I stare out my window wistfully, waiting for you to come and take me away.

    Yet something keeps me from wanting to consummate that idea. Probably the fact that you're insane. Yeah, probably that.

  6. Oh come ON, you daft bastard. Not going to give us the proper follow-up? What a shitty journalist you'd make.

  7. God, you villain types gloat alot.