So Konaa sorta left off on a cliffhanger, eh? Leaving you all to wonder what had happened to the dashing knife nut in the suitcoat and hat. What happened to the serial killer with the penchant for humming Irish ditties?
Well, I didn't stop to shoot some pool with 'im, lemme tell you. He'd already gotten his mitts on those two blanks I had on loan from Reddie dearest, (he's so gonna bitch about it later, ugghhh) and he was looking to make it three with Shift.
Thing is, Shift is occasionally useful to me. Good with computers, and that phasing move is a little unusual! So as much as it seems out of character, I stepped forward into the fog to help the little bitch.
I heard im screaming, more sizzling, like this murderer had lit firecrackers in his pants or something. Threw a knife, there was a clank, and Shift dropped to the ground, crawling out of the fog, his arm sporting one sick burn.
Here, I sort of lost my temper.
"LISTEN UP, SHITHEAD! The only person who gets to torture and abuse that weedy pathetic keymonkey is YOURS TRULY!"
There was a muffled "Yeah, thanks a bunch, Boss." from the ground.
I strode forward, twirling two more knives in my hands, signaling my team to fall back. Now, this fog certainly was unnatural - fog doesn't build up this quickly, and it certainly doesn't obscure this much with only a moderate downpour. It was doing its job well, though - outlines were the only visible thing.
Maybe for someone as shortsighted as June, anyway. One in my line of work has a penchant for seeing through fogs, though. Just usually more metaphorically.
The singing killer, the "Siren," is around six feet tall, Caucasian, male, dressed in dark blue clothing, torn jeans, a frighteningly ragged mass purporting to be a coat, and a hood. His hair is dark and wild. More notably, he wears a strange gauntlet on his left hand, almost like a metal shell that encases the hand and about two feet up his arm. In that hand, he is holding an iron, heated despite the lack of a plug.
"Come now, step forward. Let's get a good look at you. ...Ah, but now it all makes sense. If my dress code was like yours, I'd probably be a maniacal killer too. ...Oh WAIT!" I laughed, just a little joke to lighten the mood.
No answer.
"Did you hear me? I said...you...dress...like...a...mentally...impaired...simian!" I used hand signals to make sure we were communicating, although perhaps the middle finger is communicating the wrong message. Oh well, what do I look like, a translator?
Still no response! How infuriating. It was time for a more hands on test. Another knife flew his way, he raised the gauntlet and with another clank, it fell to the ground. Lurching towards me slowly, he raised the iron. And then with surprising speed, he suddenly lunged, trapping my arm against the wall and holding the iron towards my face.
NO manners here, no siree. And nothing pisses me off more than a rude asshole with a heater. I gave him my most winning smile and then cackled at his little toy. "You wanna light ME up?"
And suddenly! Gasp! His hand is free! Always keep a tight grip if you want to hold onto a snake, folks. They're more slippery than they first appear~
I brought out a hook and chain, swung it upwards, cracked the asshole in the face. But it didn't seem to do nothin! He just kept coming forward, blood seeping down his cheeks. Well it's a pain in the fucking ass, but I had to admit I had no clue what the hell this idiot's deal was.
So I gave the chain a spirited heft and threw it, wrapping it around his legs. THAT made him stumble a little, and gave me just the opening - a flashbang grenade, already primed and ready. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder, I pushed his head forward and smashed it into his face. "Temperature today! Rainy, with intermediate bursts of sunlight!" Bang.
And god damn if he didn't make the weirdest fuckin noise I ever heard. Some sort of groggly moan. If that wasn't the oddest thing about it, he showed me he's pretty slippery himself - one second I had him, and the next he was gone. Footsteps receding, and then silence, leaving only Shift's burnt arm as a parting gift.
Take it for a freebie, folks. This fellow doesn't seem to care WHO he's got his hands on so long as they're squishy and burn nice. Show him the light, sit him down, talk about your parents.
It's funny cause most of your parents are DEAD! Hahaha, ah man, never gets old. Later.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Dear me where DOES the time go.
I'm practically becoming your typical blogger at this rate, most of my posts seem to address the sparsity of updates. I do apologize for having better things to do than log all my actions for the public to behold.
But! I'm here now, and I have a friend! He's a little drowsy right now, blood loss does that. Let me try to wake him.
Oh my. I don't think he liked that at all. Christ, but this fucker has a set of lungs. Hey, watch it! Don't bleed on the fucking suit! ...Whew, you dodged a bullet there, pal. You awake? Great! Here, just like we practiced, you're gonna talk to our friends here!
I'm Robert Loans, FBI. I was trying to spy on Rhodes, who, incidentally, is infinitely dashing in his style of wardrobe, when he heroically intercepted me. He is currently threatening me with death unless I reveal agency secrets to you all. He has cut me with his knives fourteen tiairgnkij FIFTEEN TIMES NOW! :D
I am part of a division of the FBI that does not officially exist. It monitors paranormal activity, mainly that of "Slender Man" and those associated with. Rhodes has instructed me to reveal that we are tracking as many known individuals who have come into contact with the Slender Man in any way. If you have a blog, it is quite possible you have an agent assigned to trace you.
stopitstopitPLEASESTOP
Rhodes just removed some of the teeth frrrgehlp six teeth exactly from my mouth because I was a little bitch who strayed from the script. I was supposed to tell you that in some cases, the agent assigned to the individual has termination orders if the individual takes any action that may cause public awareness of Slender Man to rise. He wants me to tell you that you are all being watched and that we know everything, but refuse to help you. And that you're just as likely to be killed by us as you are them
what did I DO - Come now, what sort of sentence begins with "And?"
Politics these days! How about em, Robbie? ...Robbie? Dear me, he's not moving. Odd place to take a nap, but, I suppose I'll allow it, since he did what I asked.
Why did I want him to tell you all about those charming government suits and their nefarious plans? Couldn't it simply be because I care for you all?
Perhaps not. The first reason is simple. They've been hunting me as if I were just another adolescent in a hoodie. I wanted to be sporting, and show them exactly who they are dealing with. When professionals are involved, I do not play games. You have been warned- I will not tolerate another such insult.
Of course, there's a second reason for just about everything. I wanted this charming young man to explain the government policy to all of you out there who think they can escape, or fight back.
It's like this, runners. You're not just being watched by one man in a suit. It's many. Our elected officials have apparently decided that you are a liability. Let's face it, they're not far off. You imbecilic little insects haven't even the slightest inkling of the game you are pieces in. It's quite amusing, actually, like watching blind lab rats in a labyrinth. Only instead of cheese, it's horrible mental trauma.
Now that you have the slightest idea...Let's see some fear. Don't be shy. Show me the look of a mouse as the trap closes around it.
But! I'm here now, and I have a friend! He's a little drowsy right now, blood loss does that. Let me try to wake him.
Oh my. I don't think he liked that at all. Christ, but this fucker has a set of lungs. Hey, watch it! Don't bleed on the fucking suit! ...Whew, you dodged a bullet there, pal. You awake? Great! Here, just like we practiced, you're gonna talk to our friends here!
I'm Robert Loans, FBI. I was trying to spy on Rhodes, who, incidentally, is infinitely dashing in his style of wardrobe, when he heroically intercepted me. He is currently threatening me with death unless I reveal agency secrets to you all. He has cut me with his knives fourteen tiairgnkij FIFTEEN TIMES NOW! :D
I am part of a division of the FBI that does not officially exist. It monitors paranormal activity, mainly that of "Slender Man" and those associated with. Rhodes has instructed me to reveal that we are tracking as many known individuals who have come into contact with the Slender Man in any way. If you have a blog, it is quite possible you have an agent assigned to trace you.
stopitstopitPLEASESTOP
Rhodes just removed some of the teeth frrrgehlp six teeth exactly from my mouth because I was a little bitch who strayed from the script. I was supposed to tell you that in some cases, the agent assigned to the individual has termination orders if the individual takes any action that may cause public awareness of Slender Man to rise. He wants me to tell you that you are all being watched and that we know everything, but refuse to help you. And that you're just as likely to be killed by us as you are them
what did I DO - Come now, what sort of sentence begins with "And?"
Politics these days! How about em, Robbie? ...Robbie? Dear me, he's not moving. Odd place to take a nap, but, I suppose I'll allow it, since he did what I asked.
Why did I want him to tell you all about those charming government suits and their nefarious plans? Couldn't it simply be because I care for you all?
Of course, there's a second reason for just about everything. I wanted this charming young man to explain the government policy to all of you out there who think they can escape, or fight back.
It's like this, runners. You're not just being watched by one man in a suit. It's many. Our elected officials have apparently decided that you are a liability. Let's face it, they're not far off. You imbecilic little insects haven't even the slightest inkling of the game you are pieces in. It's quite amusing, actually, like watching blind lab rats in a labyrinth. Only instead of cheese, it's horrible mental trauma.
Now that you have the slightest idea...Let's see some fear. Don't be shy. Show me the look of a mouse as the trap closes around it.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Acknowledging a fallen foe + my little road trip
This has been an important week for me...Finally, after everything he had endured and survived through, a single bullet was able to sever his stubborn connection to this mortal coil.
Ladies and gentlemen, June "Konaa" Reynolds is dead.
I suppose you now expect gloating? Maniacal laughter, perhaps. As I sit back on my velvet throne and stroke the hair of a small precariously groomed household pet I let out a tirade of sadistic glee at the prospect of my cursed archnemesis's demise. A rant about how now, no one can stop me, and that in the end, all his relentless idealism served him for naught!
You would suppose wrong. He won our duel.
What I have always, truly wanted, is to show him how his faith in humanity is absolute nonsense. Taking a life was a line he swore time and time again never to cross, and thus for my victory to be complete, cross it he would. By shooting his own sister, even.
But no...June Reynolds was, I suppose, incorruptible. Even when his own life was on the line, he refused to pull the trigger...Thus it fell to me to do so. In the end, it was his victory, for he proved me wrong. Perhaps there was one human being alive who could not be persuaded to take the easy route, who truly did live for his fellow man and nothing else.
...WAS being the chief word there, seeing as he's DEAD! And his sister went down with him anyway. Oh yes...We've lost precious Valkyrie. My second in command's death is a nuisance, but, with her brother dead about half of her function would be gone anyway. Don't even get me started on Jade's moaning about the death of her "Knight." I had to carve her a new tattoo to shut her up! Except even that didn't work cause she started screaming in pain! ...Maybe I should've asked first...Nahhhhhh!
In short, blah blah blah, salute my fallen enemy, died pure, hope a coyote pisses on his corpse. NEXT!
So as we all know, I was missing for quite the extended period of time while my team remained behind to handle things in my stead. I was out of the country, simply enough. And I tell you, the jungle is no place for a suit. The humidity was killing me. Well, I stabbed someone to make myself feel better, though, so really, it was killing THEM.
You don't get the country's name out of me, darlings. All you should know is this- my reason for the trip was investigating into the very nature of our Slenderfriend. So many conflicting stories! Drawings on the wall in Egypt! A malicious fey from medieval Germany! A crappy photoshop! He really is a modern Bigfoot, that Tall Man of ours.
To add one to the mix, it looks like he's made a few appearances in the Southeast Asia region. As far as I can determine, minimal amounts of recent ones. I'm talking ancient times here, people. I found ruins in Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, and even Northeast India with objects practically radiating with His essence. Wall carvings, journal entries...there was a lot of evidence. It was just hidden from the casual seeker.
And within a temple in the jungle...I discovered something. An artifact, you could say, left behind by what someone could call the predecessor to the modern proxy. Only far more versed in harnessing the power of that Glorious Man. My Territories, Writer's Loops, Fitzgerald's...heheh, pick and choose. It's all very impressive, but the fact of the matter is that in ancient times there were a small number of people who held genuine power thanks to Him. Really, quite fascinating, wouldn't you say? And I have in my possession a little something one of them left behind.
All in all, my field trip yielded a tremendous gain. I hope to show you all juuuust how wonderful my new toy is.
Ladies and gentlemen, June "Konaa" Reynolds is dead.
I suppose you now expect gloating? Maniacal laughter, perhaps. As I sit back on my velvet throne and stroke the hair of a small precariously groomed household pet I let out a tirade of sadistic glee at the prospect of my cursed archnemesis's demise. A rant about how now, no one can stop me, and that in the end, all his relentless idealism served him for naught!
You would suppose wrong. He won our duel.
What I have always, truly wanted, is to show him how his faith in humanity is absolute nonsense. Taking a life was a line he swore time and time again never to cross, and thus for my victory to be complete, cross it he would. By shooting his own sister, even.
But no...June Reynolds was, I suppose, incorruptible. Even when his own life was on the line, he refused to pull the trigger...Thus it fell to me to do so. In the end, it was his victory, for he proved me wrong. Perhaps there was one human being alive who could not be persuaded to take the easy route, who truly did live for his fellow man and nothing else.
...WAS being the chief word there, seeing as he's DEAD! And his sister went down with him anyway. Oh yes...We've lost precious Valkyrie. My second in command's death is a nuisance, but, with her brother dead about half of her function would be gone anyway. Don't even get me started on Jade's moaning about the death of her "Knight." I had to carve her a new tattoo to shut her up! Except even that didn't work cause she started screaming in pain! ...Maybe I should've asked first...Nahhhhhh!
In short, blah blah blah, salute my fallen enemy, died pure, hope a coyote pisses on his corpse. NEXT!
So as we all know, I was missing for quite the extended period of time while my team remained behind to handle things in my stead. I was out of the country, simply enough. And I tell you, the jungle is no place for a suit. The humidity was killing me. Well, I stabbed someone to make myself feel better, though, so really, it was killing THEM.
You don't get the country's name out of me, darlings. All you should know is this- my reason for the trip was investigating into the very nature of our Slenderfriend. So many conflicting stories! Drawings on the wall in Egypt! A malicious fey from medieval Germany! A crappy photoshop! He really is a modern Bigfoot, that Tall Man of ours.
To add one to the mix, it looks like he's made a few appearances in the Southeast Asia region. As far as I can determine, minimal amounts of recent ones. I'm talking ancient times here, people. I found ruins in Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, and even Northeast India with objects practically radiating with His essence. Wall carvings, journal entries...there was a lot of evidence. It was just hidden from the casual seeker.
I don't do casual.
All in all, my field trip yielded a tremendous gain. I hope to show you all juuuust how wonderful my new toy is.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Return, and introductions
Dear me, look at the clock! Well over a month has passed since my last post. And of course, naturally there's NOTHING more important than keeping what is essentially a public diary up to date...Well, let's go over the events in order, shall we?
Firstly, though I am quite late here, Konaa paid me a little visit. Sadly, I must say he is quite the poor houseguest. That was quite the painful injury to recover from, but I have my ways, you see.
Only a few days later I ran into him and we had tea. The Tall Master sought to end it early, however, and who am I to refuse?
Next, I assisted the Tall One in capturing his little bird.
And as you likely know, his lady friend had to bail him out of the Hallowing. Though he proved quite resistant...
To catch up to recent events, Konaa has met my team. I must say, they are an extraordinary group of youngsters, aren't they. Allow me to formally introduce them! Come on, don't be shy! No no, use a different font each, be stylish about it!
Obstruction.
Eloquent fellow, isn't he? I named him that because, well, that's what he is. Between you and me, naming him Creative or Sensitive would've been nicer but quite dishonest.
Boss, what? I already introwha ARGH okay. SHIFT. I hack shit and I can phase through walls. Long story. It fuckin' hurts. Am I done? Good.
Jade doesn't seem to be responding to my calls...Aah, teenagers. They're all alike, moody to a fault. We'll just go with my second in command, the woman who can handle these loose cannons while i'm away. Valkyrie, m'deaaar?
What idiocy. A "blog" is not even a proper word. I am Valkyrie. And if you encounter me, fear not. I have made it my mission to show all I can the beauty of death, and I will exclude no one from this enlightening process.
And that, my friends, is Team Rhodes. Obstruction's the muscle, Jade's the enforcer, Shift's the technical side, and the mysterious "Valkyrie" takes the role of my lieutenant. I, myself, merely serve as the humble operations planner, and salary manager. What was that, Shift? Grumbling about how I don't pay you? NONSENSE. You're all still alive and relatively unhurt, yes?
That should wrap things up. "But wait!" You cry, from your place on the ground, clinging to my leg. "Where have you been for the last few weeks! And please kill me painlessly!"
Well I'm in a considerably good mood, so I'll grant both your wishes! (electrocution is painless, correct?) ...Well, on second thought...The story of my absence is simply too good to share in one post. Allow me to simply say for now that I was abroad...and more shall be revealed next time.
Firstly, though I am quite late here, Konaa paid me a little visit. Sadly, I must say he is quite the poor houseguest. That was quite the painful injury to recover from, but I have my ways, you see.
Only a few days later I ran into him and we had tea. The Tall Master sought to end it early, however, and who am I to refuse?
Next, I assisted the Tall One in capturing his little bird.
And as you likely know, his lady friend had to bail him out of the Hallowing. Though he proved quite resistant...
To catch up to recent events, Konaa has met my team. I must say, they are an extraordinary group of youngsters, aren't they. Allow me to formally introduce them! Come on, don't be shy! No no, use a different font each, be stylish about it!
Obstruction.
Eloquent fellow, isn't he? I named him that because, well, that's what he is. Between you and me, naming him Creative or Sensitive would've been nicer but quite dishonest.
Boss, what? I already introwha ARGH okay. SHIFT. I hack shit and I can phase through walls. Long story. It fuckin' hurts. Am I done? Good.
Jade doesn't seem to be responding to my calls...Aah, teenagers. They're all alike, moody to a fault. We'll just go with my second in command, the woman who can handle these loose cannons while i'm away. Valkyrie, m'deaaar?
What idiocy. A "blog" is not even a proper word. I am Valkyrie. And if you encounter me, fear not. I have made it my mission to show all I can the beauty of death, and I will exclude no one from this enlightening process.
And that, my friends, is Team Rhodes. Obstruction's the muscle, Jade's the enforcer, Shift's the technical side, and the mysterious "Valkyrie" takes the role of my lieutenant. I, myself, merely serve as the humble operations planner, and salary manager. What was that, Shift? Grumbling about how I don't pay you? NONSENSE. You're all still alive and relatively unhurt, yes?
That should wrap things up. "But wait!" You cry, from your place on the ground, clinging to my leg. "Where have you been for the last few weeks! And please kill me painlessly!"
Well I'm in a considerably good mood, so I'll grant both your wishes! (electrocution is painless, correct?) ...Well, on second thought...The story of my absence is simply too good to share in one post. Allow me to simply say for now that I was abroad...and more shall be revealed next time.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Fucking hell.
Who the fuck said you could just come in here and tear everything to pieces, you crazy asshole? The Boss is dead, Obstruction's arm is fucked up, and most importantly, I have a couple of bruises and our hideout is wrecked! What the fuck are we supposed to do now?
Don't even get me started on the other members of the team. Big ole Obbie wasn't much of a talker before his injury but now he's making the countryside seem downright full of chatter. Jade creeps the fuck out of me, and so do those other two girls. What is it with the boss and his love of disturbing women?
So clearly it's up to me to decide what we do. And what we're doing is finding that little shit what put us out of a job and splitting his face open.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Introducing- Shift!
It's been so busy here lately, preparing for Mr. Reynolds' arrival and such. Dear me. At any rate, I'd like to introduce one of the little helpers I have around the house.
Oh, yes, I know, it doesn't seem like me to work with others, but the fact of the matter is minions are very useful. They take out the trash, wash the windows, kill anyone you don't want to bother with, they're simply quite the convenience. Without further ado, my right hand man, Shift!
Okay so the boss just handed me this keyboard and said I'd be updating the blog whenever he couldn't. I tried to object but then he gave me the "I would enjoy killing you" look so here I am. Great. Okay, the name is Shift. I'm a hacker by trade, and allow me to say fuck all of you. Nobody gives a shit about your melodrama, they'd rather you all just dropped off the face of the planet so your stupid fight doesn't have a chance of affecting them anymore. You're all a bunch of morons and assholes.
Great the boss is lecturing me about internet protocol. What the hell, boss, you send people to the crazy ward for fun. Ow, okay, he poked me with a knife for that one. Geez. Anyways, what I do is confidential. As is everything about me. I am not in the mood to talk to any of you jerks. Am I done yet?
Charming young man, isn't it? Like he said, he'll be updating the blog whenever I can't, so you can expect more from Team Rhodes with every waking moment! I expect a parade in my honor or fifty innocents will die.
Haha, just kidding.
You hope.
Oh, yes, I know, it doesn't seem like me to work with others, but the fact of the matter is minions are very useful. They take out the trash, wash the windows, kill anyone you don't want to bother with, they're simply quite the convenience. Without further ado, my right hand man, Shift!
Okay so the boss just handed me this keyboard and said I'd be updating the blog whenever he couldn't. I tried to object but then he gave me the "I would enjoy killing you" look so here I am. Great. Okay, the name is Shift. I'm a hacker by trade, and allow me to say fuck all of you. Nobody gives a shit about your melodrama, they'd rather you all just dropped off the face of the planet so your stupid fight doesn't have a chance of affecting them anymore. You're all a bunch of morons and assholes.
Great the boss is lecturing me about internet protocol. What the hell, boss, you send people to the crazy ward for fun. Ow, okay, he poked me with a knife for that one. Geez. Anyways, what I do is confidential. As is everything about me. I am not in the mood to talk to any of you jerks. Am I done yet?
Charming young man, isn't it? Like he said, he'll be updating the blog whenever I can't, so you can expect more from Team Rhodes with every waking moment! I expect a parade in my honor or fifty innocents will die.
Haha, just kidding.
You hope.
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