Sunday, July 24, 2011

What a strange concept

It's occurred to me that I might create a weblog of my own, in order to keep my business dealings nice and orderly.  I will report back here with any new of significant, importantor just amusing missions I complete.

Currently I am enjoying the view here in New York City, in my temporary hotel room.  The service and food has been excellent, although the waiter in the cafe spilled wine on my suit.  However, that's not such a big deal, and we both got a good laugh out of it, especially while I strangled him in the alley behind the building.  It's almost like those dumpsters are there just to make things convenient for a gentleman like myself.

Ahahahaha.  Hurting people.  Let me tell you, folks, it never gets old!  That was a particularly satisfying strangling.  His eyes practically popped out of their sockets!  The fact that I was carving his eyes out with a knife might've helped, but hell, I ain't a biologist.

And wouldn't you know it?  He bleeds all over my clothing.  The man was simply attracted by some force, gravitational or otherwise, towards spilling things!  Awfully clumsy for a waiter.  I was one step ahead, however- I changed into casualwear beforehand!  Ha!  My suit remains as spotless as ever, although I must say the laundry bill for it did not improve the poor fellow's chance of survival, not one bit.

So I'm quite pleased with myself, and the hotel should be too, I've done them quite the favor here.  I think I will turn in for tonight.  Good evening.


  1. With such a gay name like Shapiro, I'm surprised you can hijack your way across a bowl with a thousand dead Mexicans in your handbag. Don't forget the lipstick, the fat guy at the gas station thinks it makes you look like a model, and it even covers up the ass on the backside of your thong. Forever the battery!

    But in all seriousness... no nevermind, I don't give a sugar honey iced tea.

    Don't stay frosty, Frenchy.

  2. Honestly, Mr. Ridley, you are so crude sometimes. One silly little prank and you drop a dozen offensive slurs. I may be a somewhat homicidal gentleman, but at the very least, I do not discriminate.

  3. I wonder what you would call a "big job."